Bad Boyfriend vs. 50 Songs

A song from the first album you ever bought

I can't remember what the first album I bought was, because I've been buying records since I was a kid. However, I think the first CD I ever bought was We Can't Dance by Genesis, so... Let's go with "No Son Of Mine."

Your favourite single 

If by "single" you mean a song that was never released on an artist's album, I'd have to go with "Mull Of Kintyre" by Wings. Honorable mentions: "Holy Joe" by U2 and "Acquiesce" by Oasis. They weren't singles, but they were b-sides to singles. (This is complicated.)

Your favourite album track 

Confusing question. I'd go with "Live Forever" by Oasis (from Definitely Maybe), "Until The End Of The World" by U2 (from Achtung Baby) and "Why Do You Love Me" by Garbage (from Bleed Like Me).

A song by the first band/artist you saw live 

"Acelerar" by Timbiriche. So sue me. I was a kid growing up in Mexico in the 1980s.

A song from your childhood 

"Sing" by Carpenters. It took me many years to find out it was originally a song from Sesame Street.

A song by your favourite band/artist 

Besides the ones I've mentioned already... "Don't Look Back In Anger" by Oasis. One of the greatest live songs of all time, which he dedicated to "anyone of Mexican origin" when I saw them at the Hollywood Bowl.

A song that reminds you of a TV series

"Superhero" by Jane's Addiction, which is the theme song to Entourage and would also be a great theme song for my TV show.

Your most played song on iTunes 

"Hounds of Love" by The Futureheads, but this literally changes every week.
 
Favourite new release (has to be less than 2 months old) 

I don't think I have bought or listened to any music that has come out in the past two months. I'd recommend anything from the Scream 4 soundtrack, which came out in April or so.

An awesome driving track   

"The Power Of Love" by Huey Lewis & The News. Especially if you drive a DMC-12.

A song that reminds you of your best mate  

"Anna Begins" by Counting Crows.

A song that makes you laugh 

"Me Amo" by El Cuarteto De Nos.
 
The song that contains your favourite lyrics 

"Ultra Violet (Light My Way)" by U2. "There is a silence that comes to a house where no one can sleep."
 
A song off an album that has brilliant cover art   

"It's Still Rock And Roll To Me" from Billy Joel's Glass Houses.

Your favourite TV theme tune 

"Meet The Flintstones."
 
A song that reminds you of a holiday

"Baby It's Cold Outside" by Leon Redbone and Zooey Deschanel.
 
A song that makes you think of a family member 

"Perfect Day" by Lou Reed. My sister's wedding song.

A song you never get sick of hearing   

"American Girl" by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers.

A guilty pleasure 

"Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee


A song you can’t help but sing along to 

"Beat It" by Michael Jackson.

A song that reminds you of the person you love

"The Night Before" by The Beatles

A song you play when you want to relax  

"The End" by The Doors

A song you play before a night out

"Sympathy For The Devil" by Guns N' Roses

A song from a band/artist you’ve just ‘discovered’ 

"Run for Your Life" by 6 Day Riot.

A song off of the last album you bought/last track you downloaded

"Heartbeat" by The Detroit Cobras.

A song no one would expect you to love  

"Lat'n Party" by Kalimba.

A song you would sing at a karaoke night 

"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones. (It's happened before.)

A song you love for its lyrics 

"For No One" by The Beatles.

A song you love for its video

"Let Forever Be" by The Chemical Brothers.

A song you've only recently started listening to

"I Put A Spell On You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins.
 
A song from a band your best friend introduced to you 

"Van Nuys (Es Very Nice)" by Los Abandoned.
 
A song you've performed in front of people 

"Labios Jaguar" by Café Tacuba. I played it onstage with them.
 
A song from any artist you've been to see live 

"Hung Up" by Madonna.

A song from an artist you wish you could see live  

"Pretty Flowers" by Steve Martin.

A song you used to hate but now love

Anything from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.


A song from an artist a family member has introduced you to 

"Paula" by Zoé.

Your favourite Beatles song 

"Real Love" from Anthology 2, besides the ones I've mentioned already.

Your favourite cover of a song

"There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" by Noel Gallagher.
 
A song with a great video

Didn't we go over this already? Let's add The Beatles' "Free As A Bird."

A song that brings back amazing memories 

"Veneno Vil" by Fobia.

A song that brings back bad memories 

"You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse. (Both this one and the previous one remind me of the same person.)
 
Favourite song from the 80's

"Dirty Diana" by Michael Jackson.
 
Favourite song from the 90's

Besides some I've mentioned already... "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam.

A song you play air guitar to

"Bad Boyfriend" by Garbage.

Your favourite acoustic version of a song

Nirvana's "About A Girl" from their MTV Unplugged album.
 
The first song you ever bought 

Just the song? I remember buying Michael Jackson's "Black Or White" as a single, but I can't remember what the first song I bought on iTunes was.

The only song you like by a band or an artist you otherwise hate 

"Brooklyn (Go Hard)" by Jay-Z.

Your favourite song at this time last year

I honestly can't remember.

Your favourite love song 

"(I'll Love You) Till The End Of The World" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds.

Your favourite song of all time 

"Live Forever" by Oasis and "Until The End Of The World" by U2.

How I Saved Jeff's (Dating) Life

Dear friends,

The following is a true story. I haven't edited it one bit, not even for grammar or spelling. 

It's yet another example of how you should always act the exact opposite way of how women want you to act.

Enjoy.

-BB

As a lonely and nerdy virgin teen growing up on a cattle farm in the middle of the woods, I was always jealous of how easily some of the "preppier," more socially capable boys could wind up in relations with girls. Having gone through high school having never been kissed, constantly wishing and wondering how that illustrious, confident man portrayed in television and movies who always got the girl pulled it off. I wanted to escape myself and be someone else entirely all throughout high school, I just never figured out how to really go about this.

I graduated, still a virgin, still having never been kissed, going off to college in Arizona at a nerd-centric private school which was ninety percent male. Probably not the best place to get my bearings. Out there, I started to notice that I was one of the more normal people around, and surrounded myself with those who helped me improve myself; going to the gym to help bulk up my lanky frame, learning about the wonders of hard liquor and recreational substances, and starting some real interacting with the female race (and failing miserably) - I started to get a handle on myself and one drunken Facebook session in may of 2009 I managed to convince a sultry Arabic female to drive two hours across the state to spend the night in my cramped dorm, eating overcooked steak and fooling around on a bed far too small for an awkward nerd and a poor girl who was later traumatized by his roommates busting in and showing cumshot videos for the sake of comedy.

Needless to say, she drove another two hours by herself back across state, and I was still a sad virgin. After that minor catastrophe, there was the crazy biker, the ex-stripper, the nursing student, and a couple other awkward dates here and there. Nothing really came of it, but it was more of a learning experience than anything else, picking up tidbits of knowledge here and there.

It wasn't until meeting some crazy raving girl who I ended up sleeping with three hours after meeting up at Starbucks that the illustrious curse of my virginity left me, as Neil Patrick Harris in his classic role of Dr. Horrible watched in the background, in an odd twist of fate. 

That was the moment when it all pretty much went out the window, as far as any sense of normalcy is concerned.

Two weeks later I met a Chinese immigrant girl in the same place, and a week later after she grabbed my wrist and begged me not to cheat on her as I went home for break wound up starting a four month relationship with a foreign model, who was pretty much perfect, thick accent and all.

Regretfully, a combination of a family emergency, financial troubles, an existential crisis and watching any sort of future for myself go out the window wound up with me having to pick up my things and move out to Los Angeles to form any sort of career, and I wound up single in a new city without a single acquaintance, other than a certain @Bad_Boyfriend I was following on Twitter.

After a short while of getting settled in, almost winding up in a relationship with an Israeli girl who mailed me a physical V Card after the deed (two girls in a row I'd had to deal with this, mind you) and growing fed up with my dating life, I reached out to Bad Boyfriend.

Bad Boyfriend I came upon through someone else retweeting them, I started following, he RT'd a handful of my replies, then one day in frustration figured, what have I got to lose? I mean, my OkCupid profile was something I had on the side which wasn't really working out for me, and I figured if anyone, he could help. His name is Bad Boyfriend. That's not a title handed out to just anyone.

If I never have to deal with this again, I will die happy.

After going over my profile and suggesting several revisions, I took his advice and trimmed it down, giving my profile a serious rewrite, and good lord. Something happened. Something goddamn magical happened.

I suddenly had to set aside time to reply to messages. I got the pick of the litter, to understate how ridiculous things have become for me. Meeting multiple women in a single week, and I had hardly a single hang-up or disappointment.

Compare this to earlier, when I got:

-Crazy Israeli virgin girl

-Theatre major whose insanity I can't sum up in a sentence

-Theater major who did not realize she was fucking screaming into my ear about harry potter, of all things

-I won't even talk about the last one. Beyond words.

Now I'm dealing with:

-A real life "madame"

-Sultry black painter

-Foxy Mexican girl with a sweet innocent exterior, and a loud, kinky interior that practically put me in a state of shock and awe after this first time we had sex.

-another foxy Chinese girl

-grown men several years my senior asking me, a 20 something kid who grew up shoveling manure, for advice.

-A handful of other women I've yet to figure out just what to do with.

I had suddenly had my sex life revitalized after a single intervention from Bad Boyfriend, the culmination of months of self-improvement and getting sexually comfortable with oneself.

Oh, and this.

My roommate taking pictures of said profile, in awe.

Bad Boyfriend's generosity was the final step in helping me reinvent myself from lonely, awkward virgin nerd with no social skills to a modern day Don Juan whose had a total of two women refer to his sexual proficiency as "perfect."

To those out there who were like me - lonely, virgin and all, there's hope for you yet. It's a matter of wanting to change and working for it, not giving up just because of one, or two, or a hundred or so rejections. My journey took me a couple years, and honestly, I regret not a minute of it.

I end 2010 a far different man than the boy I was in January, an entire omnibus of adventures thanks to my willingness to change, and more importantly, the help of a few good men.

Katelynn Ansari vs. Committed Relationships

Here's a guest post from my friend Katelynn Ansari:

Dear Bad Boyfriend,

When you asked me to write an article for your blog about my cynicism towards relationships, I thought it would be a piece of cake and I’d know exactly what I’d write about. Well, here it goes, let’s start from square one and see where this entry ends up.

I’m a 21-year-old girl who thinks relationships are the biggest waste of time and I actively try to avoid them by over-scheduling my life and, most recently, deleting my Facebook account. I enjoy watching women chase after and pathetically hypothesize what their future will look like with a man who is clearly not interested in them. Or I like to stir the pot by playing devil's advocate in the annoyingly repetitive “does he really like me” conversations I hear every time I hang out with my girls. “Yes he likes you, no he doesn’t want to see you every night. This isn’t forever, just enjoy it while it lasts.” I personally hate this back-and-forth drama and worrying about the man I’d figuratively be in a relationship with; I’d rather be selfish and focus on myself and my well-being. I think my intelligence, a.k.a cynicism, all started after my first “true love” --yes, I learn quite quickly; one error and there are no more trials. I was probably the exact opposite of what I am now. I was head over heels and had hopes for the future. We dated for 3 years and he cheated on me. I initially blamed it on myself, wondering what I did wrong in the relationship. I did the typical: “Was I too clingy?” “What didn’t he like about my personality?” “Am I too fat?” Yes, I was that typical girl, wondering what traits led him to stray. I stupidly took him back regardless of the drama and dishonesty. We both had very different personalities at this point and had a casual relationship but the feelings quickly came back along with the reason we didn’t last. Then I realized, in order to succeed and not get hurt you must think like a guy. So I did just that for a few years. I overcompensated and was the biggest jerk for a while.  I truly apologize to the many guys I’ve hurt in that process --yeah there were quite a few whom I shamelessly used and abused (emotionally..not physically). Now I’ve found a great middle ground. I’ve had many epiphanies since then and now I can date like a pro. Here are my epiphanies:

-       Women: Monogamy may give you the emotional stability you desire, but that “flame” will inevitably fizzle out and one of you will stray. My bet is that your guy will do it before you.

-       While an exclusive relationship is great to brag about with your friends and flaunt on Facebook, take a look, does that person really make you 100% happy? I don’t think that a relationship with one person is right, especially at this age. I think that certain people bring certain positive and negative aspects to our lives, not just one person. So why not date a few people that bring something completely different to the table and enhance your life?

-       Ok, so he isn’t calling, texting, or wanting to hang out with you 24/7? It doesn’t mean he’s not interested, it means he’s busy, doesn’t view you as a main priority, and has guy friends. That’s a good thing. Take the hint and take up a hobby, preferably one that isn’t stalking his Facebook or spending his absence by constantly texting him.

-       Along that same subject, it’s 2010, not 1950. Being a doting, dependent housewife is plain annoying. Support yourself. With all the gold diggers out there, you’ll be considered one quite quickly if you don’t know how to pay your own bills… with your own money.

-       With every epiphany I write, I gain another. Ok, so it still isn’t 1950. Chivalry was required when a woman had the house spic and span and had an awesome meal prepared for her man in a timely manner after he got off work. My point? Society changed. Don’t expect a man to be chivalrous just because you’re female… Unless you plan on cooking and cleaning and offering up your independence. Notice the little things he does for you and accept them.

-       Men don’t change. Stop being attracted to a relationship that you plan on “fixing.” I’d never change for anyone, so why should he change for you? You aren’t as “unique” as you may think. On that same note, don’t take somebody back once they tossed you to the curb. You’re probably just being used as a filler for whatever reason and the same reason will apply when you’re kicked to the curb again. You surely won’t catch me rifling through the local Salvation Army because I ‘accidentally’ donated clothes that I wanted back. It doesn’t work that way. Once you’ve decided you don’t want it anymore, you’ll never really want it back.

-       Finally, I’ve realized I’m 21 and unfortunately I may live until I’m 95 years old. That’s plenty of time to think about the ‘M’ word. I prefer to think of the men I bring into my life as memories, not marriage material. I know they won’t be “the one” (I’m not quite sure if I even believe in that cliché). So with that, I enjoy the time I spend with the guy, live in the moment, laugh lots, and if you’re feelin’ it…do the dirty. You only live once. Don’t try and trap him into being a long term, monogamous relationship. It won’t last. Have you seen the divorce rate lately? Relationships are about in-the-moment happiness.


Tweet