Here's a guest post from my friend Katelynn Ansari:
Dear Bad Boyfriend,
When you asked me to write an article for your blog about my cynicism towards relationships, I thought it would be a piece of cake and I’d know exactly what I’d write about. Well, here it goes, let’s start from square one and see where this entry ends up.
I’m a 21-year-old girl who thinks relationships are the biggest waste of time and I actively try to avoid them by over-scheduling my life and, most recently, deleting my Facebook account. I enjoy watching women chase after and pathetically hypothesize what their future will look like with a man who is clearly not interested in them. Or I like to stir the pot by playing devil's advocate in the annoyingly repetitive “does he really like me” conversations I hear every time I hang out with my girls. “Yes he likes you, no he doesn’t want to see you every night. This isn’t forever, just enjoy it while it lasts.” I personally hate this back-and-forth drama and worrying about the man I’d figuratively be in a relationship with; I’d rather be selfish and focus on myself and my well-being. I think my intelligence, a.k.a cynicism, all started after my first “true love” --yes, I learn quite quickly; one error and there are no more trials. I was probably the exact opposite of what I am now. I was head over heels and had hopes for the future. We dated for 3 years and he cheated on me. I initially blamed it on myself, wondering what I did wrong in the relationship. I did the typical: “Was I too clingy?” “What didn’t he like about my personality?” “Am I too fat?” Yes, I was that typical girl, wondering what traits led him to stray. I stupidly took him back regardless of the drama and dishonesty. We both had very different personalities at this point and had a casual relationship but the feelings quickly came back along with the reason we didn’t last. Then I realized, in order to succeed and not get hurt you must think like a guy. So I did just that for a few years. I overcompensated and was the biggest jerk for a while. I truly apologize to the many guys I’ve hurt in that process --yeah there were quite a few whom I shamelessly used and abused (emotionally..not physically). Now I’ve found a great middle ground. I’ve had many epiphanies since then and now I can date like a pro. Here are my epiphanies:
- Women: Monogamy may give you the emotional stability you desire, but that “flame” will inevitably fizzle out and one of you will stray. My bet is that your guy will do it before you.
- While an exclusive relationship is great to brag about with your friends and flaunt on Facebook, take a look, does that person really make you 100% happy? I don’t think that a relationship with one person is right, especially at this age. I think that certain people bring certain positive and negative aspects to our lives, not just one person. So why not date a few people that bring something completely different to the table and enhance your life?
- Ok, so he isn’t calling, texting, or wanting to hang out with you 24/7? It doesn’t mean he’s not interested, it means he’s busy, doesn’t view you as a main priority, and has guy friends. That’s a good thing. Take the hint and take up a hobby, preferably one that isn’t stalking his Facebook or spending his absence by constantly texting him.
- Along that same subject, it’s 2010, not 1950. Being a doting, dependent housewife is plain annoying. Support yourself. With all the gold diggers out there, you’ll be considered one quite quickly if you don’t know how to pay your own bills… with your own money.
- With every epiphany I write, I gain another. Ok, so it still isn’t 1950. Chivalry was required when a woman had the house spic and span and had an awesome meal prepared for her man in a timely manner after he got off work. My point? Society changed. Don’t expect a man to be chivalrous just because you’re female… Unless you plan on cooking and cleaning and offering up your independence. Notice the little things he does for you and accept them.
- Men don’t change. Stop being attracted to a relationship that you plan on “fixing.” I’d never change for anyone, so why should he change for you? You aren’t as “unique” as you may think. On that same note, don’t take somebody back once they tossed you to the curb. You’re probably just being used as a filler for whatever reason and the same reason will apply when you’re kicked to the curb again. You surely won’t catch me rifling through the local Salvation Army because I ‘accidentally’ donated clothes that I wanted back. It doesn’t work that way. Once you’ve decided you don’t want it anymore, you’ll never really want it back.
- Finally, I’ve realized I’m 21 and unfortunately I may live until I’m 95 years old. That’s plenty of time to think about the ‘M’ word. I prefer to think of the men I bring into my life as memories, not marriage material. I know they won’t be “the one” (I’m not quite sure if I even believe in that cliché). So with that, I enjoy the time I spend with the guy, live in the moment, laugh lots, and if you’re feelin’ it…do the dirty. You only live once. Don’t try and trap him into being a long term, monogamous relationship. It won’t last. Have you seen the divorce rate lately? Relationships are about in-the-moment happiness.
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