The Bad Boyfriend Dicktionary

When I was little, one of the things I enjoyed the most was to go through my dad's English/Spanish dictionary and memorize new words. I was always fascinated by the concept of it: it was just like a regular dictionary, except... It translated stuff!

Now I have a new project: I will write my own dictionary in which, instead of Spanish, I will translate common phrases from a much more difficult language: the Female language.

Here are some examples:

Woman: I'm not that kind of girl.

English: I'm definitely that kind of girl; you just haven't said the magic word.

Woman: I'm going to Vegas this weekend.

English: I will be sucking a stranger's dick this weekend.

Woman: It's not you. It's me.

English: It's not you. It's some hot guy I met at the gym.

Woman: You're a really nice guy.

English: I wouldn't fuck you to save my life.

Woman: I'm leaving in an hour.

English: I'll start getting ready in ninety minutes. It will take me sixty minutes more to put on a dress that would require a normal person about twenty seconds to put on.

Woman: I'm single.

English: I'm sleeping with someone, but I don't tell anyone because it would make me lose the attention of all my other guy friends.

Woman: I have a boyfriend.

English: You're creepy.

Woman: My friends are coming with us tonight.

English: You're not getting any tonight.

Woman: Tell your friends to come with us tonight.

English: You're not getting any tonight, but maybe one of your friends will.

Woman: He's a friend.

English: He's a friend with a penis.

Woman: We're not having sex tonight.

English: We're definitely having sex tonight.

Woman: I'm not attracted to you.
English: I'm attracted to you; if I wasn't, I wouldn't even bother telling you.

Woman: I'm really independent.

English: Nobody likes me.

Woman: Sassy.
English. Bitch.

Woman: Diva.
English: Bitch.


Woman: Feisty.
English: Bitch.


Woman: Twenty-something.
English: Twenty-nine.

Woman: Do I look good in this?

English: I am fishing for a compliment; once I get it, I will give you a hard time and be completely ungrateful about it.

Woman: I don't care how much money a guy makes.

English: So, anyway... How much do you make?

Woman: I've never done this before.

English: This is standard operating procedure for me.

Woman: I was a cheerleader in high school.

English: I was a slut in high school.

Woman: It's girls' night out!

English: I'm going out to meet other guys while you sleep alone.

Woman: I think we need to start seeing other people.

English: I already started seeing other people.

Woman: Let's grab coffee sometime.

English: Let's never have sex with each other.

Woman: I'm just calling to say hi!

English: I'm just calling to say I need a favor.

Woman: I want to be your wife.

English: I never want to work again.